Friday 12 August 2011

Time To Pretend: The Official Look Away Now 2011/12 Premier League Predictions

A fitful summer that has never quite spluttered into life has been the accompaniment to the past two fallow months. The cream of world football have been stabled – except those show ponies prancing about in the Copa America but that was on ESPN, and we can’t afford ESPN so we missed it. Well done Uruguay, I heard you were great.  

Instead we have been left to slurp from the crude and ultimately unsatisfactory goblet of football gossip. Usually we read pink papers like James Richardson, discussing the merits of the false No.9 or the double pivot using the large flakes from our Paul’s croissants to better illustrate our arguments. Usually we have class. Not so in the fallow summer, that cruel biennial season when we seek out even the most fabricated stories to sate our thirst for football.  

But that's not even the worst of it. To wean ourselves off the gossip we take a badly deflated ball onto the local park and our depression is renewed twofold as the paucity of our own ability becomes all too apparent once more. The itch reoccurs and we return to our bunkers to scroll through news feeds and drown our eyes in the well of sorrow that is Sky Sports News.

Friends, that dread season is almost over, the fields are tilled and the crops sewn. In celebration, your loyal Look Away Now writers have consulted their local astrologists, rubbed their crystal balls and decided that come May, the Premier League table will look one of two ways. 

In case you hadn't heard, it all starts again tomorrow. Rejoice.

~ Ed & Matt 

* * *

Matt's Predictions

  1. Manchester United
  2. Manchester City
  3. Chelsea
  4. Arsenal
  5. Liverpool
  6. Tottenham
  7. Stoke City
  8. Everton
  9. West Brom
  10. Fulham
  11. Sunderland
  12. Wolves
  13. Aston Villa
  14. Newcastle
  15. Bolton
  16. Swansea
  17. Wigan
  18. Blackburn
  19. QPR
  20. Norwich City

FA Cup - West Brom
League Cup - Liverpool
Champions League - Real Madrid
Europa League - Borussia Dortmund
Top Scorer - Javier Hernandez (Manchester United)
Biggest Surprise - Wolves. Comfortable mid-table finish.
Biggest Disappointment - Gervinho (Arsenal).


Ed's Predictions

  1. Manchester United
  2. Chelsea
  3. Manchester City
  4. Tottenham
  5. Arsenal
  6. Liverpool
  7. Sunderland
  8. Everton
  9. Stoke City
  10. Aston Villa
  11. Fulham
  12. Bolton
  13. Wolves
  14. West Brom
  15. Newcastle
  16. Blackburn
  17. Norwich City
  18. Wigan
  19. Swansea
  20. QPR

FA Cup – Manchester City
League Cup – Arsenal
Champions League – Barcelona
Europa – Roma
Top Scorer – Andy Carroll (Liverpool)
Biggest Surprise – Stoke in the Europa (QF)
Biggest Disappointment – Arsenal's league finish



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