‘Put Down The Flag, Sugartits’*

The offside rule, it seems, is a hard concept to grasp. Many a condiment has spent more table top time being moved about in exasperated attempts to explain this fundamental rule to women who stubbornly refuse to comprehend it than it has seasoning food. Angela Merkel has been spotted wandering the streets of Berlin clutching her head and wailing at an 8 year old boy ‘please, I understand the intricacies of the free market economy and quantitive easing, but for the love of god can someone please explain the offside rule…’ and Louise Redknapp has gone on record claiming that she just goes to games because of the ‘short shorts’.

Woman are stupid. Too stupid, Andy Gray and Richard Keys would argue, to run up and down the touchline of a football pitch while trying to decide which phase of play the game is in, in relation to a ball passed past the last defender. Anyone who has had chance to hear Gray externalising the commentary that is usually trapped inside his leathery dome will know that he is a man of enormous integrity and never one to let pre-conceived biases impact his capacity to make rational judgements. If Gray believes that women ‘probably don't know the offside rule’ then who are we to doubt? It would seem the Y chromosome is the key component in understanding the rules of football. Someone should have told Sian Massey that New Look were offering a 40% reduction in harem pants at their Birmingham superstore and then this whole mess would have been avoided.

To hear the audio clip that had men chortling as their wives roasted their joints of beef and starched their collars please click the following link; a Gray day for equality.

*unconfirmed reports have been filed of a middle-aged IC1 male fitting the description of Mel Gibson shouting this from the Steve Bull Stand at Molineux. Claims have been made that Jack Warner supplied the ticket at the behest of Sepp Blatter.


~ Ed