The Official Look Away Now Weekend Predictions

As the mechanical grind that is the working week draws to a halt, Look Away Now, being the generous nobodies we are, has decided to play soothsayer for the afternoon and lay out before you in glorious monochrome our decidedly unscientific predictions for this weekend’s top flight action. Here is what almost certainly won’t happen… 

Saturday

Wigan v Wolves

Lunch-time kick-offs? They’re what we get out of bed on a Saturday for. On second glance, maybe a lie-in tomorrow would be a good idea. We can’t see Wigan shipping another barrel-load at the DW, but Wolves are tough and tidy. Side note: if you are attending this game, could you drop a pin please? We’d like to check if we can hear it on Match Of The Day. 1-2

Birmingham v Everton

Everton's dismal early season run must come to an end sometime soon, right? An unexpected win at Brum could make David Moyes' eyes pop right out of his head. More so. But it’s not going to happen tomorrow, and with Brum having not lost at home in over a year (we think this is true) we may be in for a stalemate. 0-0

  

Stoke v Blackburn

Those lucky so-and-so's living outside the UK receiving live coverage of 3pm kick-offs get to sample the flair and tactical nous which makes the Premier League the envy of the world. Unfortunately for them the Chelsea game is on Sunday. Meanwhile, away from Sam Allardyce's bizarre fantasy-addled dream world we find the somewhat more prosaic matter of a trip to Stoke. But will avoiding defeat be enough to land the big man a plumb job in Serie A? This blog says... no. 1-1

Sunderland v Manchester United

This one’s easy: Darren Bent will score, someone will run Lee Cattermole an early bath, Old Lady Bruce will have a moan about the referee and Nani will score one, set one up and spend the remainder of the game rolling around and looking earnestly at the officials. 1-2

Tottenham v Aston Villa

Someone buy those boys some Alka-Seltzer. Can Spurs shrug off Big Cup hangover? Can Heskey blunder his way to another goal? If he does we'll be outside the Lane armed with loaves and fishes promising everyone a hearty meal.  2-1

West Brom v Bolton

Tricky little one, this. We reckon West Brom will continue to enjoy their early-season party for a little while longer before the inevitable slump occurs as winter’s grim chill sets in. Gave up on the party metaphor pretty quickly there, didn’t we? 3-2

West Ham v Fulham

Everybody loves Avram. He’s finally managed to massage a victory out of his rag-tag West Ham side, although Fulham are unbeaten. They are also pretty much strikerless but Look Away Now thinks Scott Parker will rally the troops and if Robert Green repeats his display against Spurs they are in with a fighting chance.  1-0

Sunday

Man City v Newcastle

It’ll be nice to have the new, mature, clean-shaven Joey Barton back at City for a few hours, won’t it? He’ll get plenty of treatment, but that’ll be the least of his worries as City cruise home. Token Andy Carroll header for the visitors. 3-1

Liverpool v Blackpool

A scrappy affair this, as Liverpool continue to stagger about the place like a pub drunk, weeping into his beard and recounting the days when the ladies swooned and his crotch wasn't rotten. Was it all a dream? No, Liverpool, you were once good. We've got the tapes. 2-0

Chelsea v Arsenal

Oh just mark Drogba, for goodness’ sake. 1-1


~ Ed & Matt