A Positive Monster

“Football has become a political matter. Heads of state court me. Football has become a monster, but it’s a positive monster.”

             
              ~ Sepp Blatter, Fifa President, December 2010

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Last Friday Mohamed bin Hammam confirmed the truth to the rumour that he will challenge sitting Swiss visionary Sepp Blatter for the role of Fifa President at the federation's 61st congress in June this year. Currently the kingpin of the Asian Football Confederation, bin Hammam was rumoured to have begun measuring the drapes in Blatter's corner office some while back, and the past few months have seen his public profile skyrocket, not least as all things Qatari (his country of birth) have been unceremoniously thrust into the global media spotlight. As if it wasn't hot enough there already.

Ever since Qatar won the right to host the 2022 World Cup finals, bin Hammam's name has been very much on the tongue of those in the know. Having taken great delight in “driving forward the expansion of football” in awarding Qatar the tournament, Blatter now finds himself fighting for another four year stint against a man to some extent empowered by his own grand concept.

Bin Hammam, however, appears keen to distance himself from Fifa's historically heaving basket of crusty linen. His stated mission to “create an absolute, ethical, democratic and transparent environment within Fifa” translates as a damning indictment of the governing body's current workings, suggesting that Blatter's regime has been pointedly unethical, anything but democratic and about as transparent as a cruel bout of diarrhoea.

Of course the democratic process – however strong or otherwise it may be – certainly produced the favoured outcome for Qatar four months ago, but let's not worry about that for now. Actually, on second thought, let's. As we all know the run up to the vote was bedevilled with claim and counter-claim of corruption, with bin Hammam quick to brand the BBC's hidden camera tactics as “unethical”, posing the metaphor-rich conundrum, "How can we serve justice and look for fairness by not acting justly and fairly? How will we clean dirty laundry by using dirty water?" How indeed.

At the time he “pray[ed] that no corrupted collusion will find its way to the bids." After the suspensions imposed on two members were upheld by the body's ethics committee, it seems his invocation fell on deaf ears, although happily this made it easier to rail against such unscrupulous behaviour as he launched his own candidacy. If nothing else, the man appears to know how to work an issue to his advantage.

To be fair, I may be expecting too much from a man vying to lead Fifa, and to hope that politicking won't occur is to perhaps wantonly misjudge the nature of the process itself. Spin and rhetoric will never be too far removed from even the finest leaders – bin Hammam's apparent openness to a succession deal with Uefa top brass Michael Platini would suggest as much. If anything results in his bid ending up a losing one, it won't be naivety.

Such back-scratching is of course commonplace (some might say necessary) throughout the world's corridors of democratic power, but it doesn't really say a whole lot for ethics – or democracy, for that matter. At least he's being transparent about it, so that's something. "I am not going to lie to you and say that I am not going to talk to Michel about possible co-operation in the future,” he plain-spoke. “I'm not telling you I am not going to do it but let's wait and see." Ah transparency, how we've missed you.

But maybe, like a spurned lover, I have become desensitised to, and distrusting of, the words of an honest man, finding myself hopelessly attuned to the scent of shit and disappointment, like a disenfranchised sniffer dog. So perhaps for now I should give bin Hammam the benefit of the doubt. Christ knows he'll need it – transforming Fifa's public image would probably make Charlie Sheen's ex-publicist decide that maybe he didn't have it so bad after all.

Under Blatter, Fifa's reputation as an obtuse, self-serving, swill trough has swelled exponentially. The Swiss' time in charge reads like the programme notes for a drunken circus act: widening goalposts, scrapping draws, putting female players in tighter shorts, oh God please make it stop. All hilarious on paper, but hilarious in the way a madman scrawling the lyrics to the White Album on the wall of his cell in faeces is hilarious, i.e. for about two minutes, before the crushing human tragedy of it all begins to dawn.

What these concepts amounted to were little more than high-profile gimmicks, all intended to be part of some futurist vision but one which turned a blind eye to actual, pressing issues (a firm stance on goal-line technology, anyone?). Initiatives such as their 'Grassroots' programme show that Fifa is capable of producing good ideas. Yet when Blatter does finally take his leave, these achievements and others will be mostly overlooked, probably because we'll be preoccupied with watching a deranged, offside-less, hot-pant wearing legacy, with no time for warm-downs as the next thrice-annual World Cup kicks off in, oh, about fifteen minutes.

It's not all Blatter's fault, mind. Under predecessor João Havelange, Fifa's mutation into the power-hungry behemoth we see today really kicked into gear. World Cups expanded, rule enforcement became seemingly scattershot and arbitrary, while the organisation itself grew more overtly political and business-like. As its arms welcomed in representatives of its ever-deepening pool of member associations, so it became an increasingly foggy network of private interests and personal agendas. As reported by the BBCs Tim Vickery late last year, Havelange himself marvelled that “Fifa today is a power that has to be applauded.” To paraphrase the closing line of David Fincher's “Se7en”, I agree with the first part.

Yesterday bin Hammam challenged Blatter to a televised leadership debate – indicating that he either truly believes in his remit of openness and clarity, or that he’s possibly been watching too much West Wing. What this does go to show is that bin Hamman is eager – nay, straining – to paint himself as the real-deal alternative to Blatter; the light to his dark, the Jordan to his Gattuso.

The cruel irony for bin Hammam is that in order to oust Blatter, he needs to coerce – sorry, win – as many of the federation's votes as possible, and one of the most influential belongs to good old Concacaf bigwig Jack Warner. Having somewhat ominously promised to “see him [Warner] next month”, bin Hammam must for now play the game that he says he's attempting to eradicate. When Warner walks, others often follow. It's probably true that nobody ever won anything without getting their hands at least a little bit dirty, but if his motives are indeed pure, then such pandering will really stick in his throat.

The potential opposing irony would be for Warner – a man repeatedly linked with unscrupulous practice – to vote in favour of the crusader vowing to clean up the town. It would certainly be a solitary digit raised to his critics, but would nonetheless resemble something akin to the Joker fronting an election campaign for Batman. “Traditionally they vote as a bloc”, bin Hammam mused. “If they decide to vote together, I think they can decide this”. It'll be interesting to see which box Warner ticks. Unfortunately we won't be able to: article 27.1 of the Fifa Statues states that “elections shall be conducted by secret ballot”. Someone really must do something about all this.

~ Matt