The Look Away Now Back-To-Basics Friday Predictions

Happy weekend, dearest reader. As you may have noted, Look Away Now, when it comes to the delicate art of presenting our humble predictions, has been mixing it up a little in recent weeks. We like to think that in an age of bland, flat-packed furniture and uninspiring Saturday night television, it really does pay to take the occasional stroll on the wilder side of life. Yes it may be unnerving, even a little scary, but a wee bit of mind expansion never really hurt anyone. Apart from maybe Syd Barrett.

Having posited that, there does remain a lot to be said for tradition. For after all, what would the beautiful game be without its traditions? Match Of The Day? Check. Stuart Hall sitting in a radio commentary booth at Goodison Park talking glorious nonsense? Check. With that in mind, we return with a full and funky rundown of this weekend’s Premier League fixtures and fittings. Ten games, no messing. So let’s begin.

Saturday 6^th November

Bolton v Gareth Ba… sorry, Tottenham, 12:45pm

With the chant 'Taxi for Maicon' reverberating in his gibbon-like skull box, Gareth Bale will once again be the focus of Bolton’s attention. Should Coyle's XI double up on the Welsh Wizard ^TM (rights have reverted from previous owner as of 2/11/10) it will be up to the rest of Spurs outfield to exploit the space and press for the full three points.

There are suggestions that Tottenham have never won a game in the Premier League at the Reebok. Can this be true? Yes, yes it can. This is a game Spurs need to win to keep them within touching distance of the top four, but Bolton are no pushovers and their passing ain’t too shabby either. Expect a hard fought but aesthetically pleasing spectacle. Crack an egg, make an omelette and enjoy this lunch-time feast. Maybe that's over-egging it a little.

1-2

Birmingham v West Ham, 3pm

Owners: saviours or pains in the proverbial? ‘A little from column A, a little from column B’ is probably the correct response to this little poser, an answer with no better embodiment than Davids Gold and Sullivan. Once the men who lifted Birmingham from Championship-level mediocrity to the top flight, they now find themselves charged with turning around West Ham, a side that’s seen more false dawns than... ok, we’ve got nothing here, suggestions in the comments box please. Let’s just agree they’ve seen a lot of false dawns, ok?

Saddled with a fashionable batch of crippling debt and a disjointed, pick-n-mix of a team, Avram Grant needs something to stick soon. Mark Noble, a dependable force in the centre of the park, will be missing for a month while Birmingham look to have found a little form at last. Fun fact of the day: David Gold has a pet fish called Scott Parker.

1-0

Blackburn v Wigan, 3pm

It surprised us to learn that Blackburn have won only two matches thus far this season; more surprising still that one of these was away from Ewood Park. The truism that struggling teams’ home form keeps them alive has never rung truer than at Blackburn over the past few years, and for all Big Sam’s bravado, it’s the performances of their now-ex England stopper Paul Robinson that have been largely to thank for the retention of their top flight status over the past year and a half.

Wigan meanwhile continue to confuse and confound. When N’Zogbia, Rodallega and the like turn it on they can look like a real threat, and yet the defence remains leaky and the form fluctuating. Wigan owner Dave Whelan asked for greater desire from his team this week. Against Blackburn’s muscle, they’ll need it.

2-1

Blackpool v Everton, 3pm

Happy times for Blackpool these, as they’ve continue to pour scorn on those pre-season naysayers (that’ll be all of us, then) who by this stage expected to see them on zero points and displaying a goal difference closer to a cricket score. Everton meanwhile have been on the up and up themselves, with strong performances against Liverpool, Stoke and Spurs dragging them away from the dodgy end of the table.

The superstitious amongst us may well be expecting Blackpool, fresh from their first home top flight victory in decades, to pull off the proverbial waiting-for-a-bus trick and grab a second on the bounce. Those people, however, would be fools.

1-2

Fulham v Aston Villa, 3pm

Is just it me or does each check of Fulham’s upcoming fixture, whoever it may be against, find itself met with a perpetual mental ‘meh’? Maybe it’s all those draws or their front line injury crisis, or maybe they’ve just been given a run of uninspiring opponents.

Either way, we here at Look Away Now have a good feeling about tomorrow’s match up with Villa, who are struggling to find consistency under Gerard Houllier. Players are unsettled – Ashley Young and Stephen Ireland spring immediately to mind – and the days of Villa pushing the for a top four spot seem like a distant, haunted memory. With Andy Johnson ready to make a comeback, Fulham’s time to put on a show may be upon us.

3-1

Manchester United v Wolves, 3pm

Home to a midlands side that plays nice football but will probably be battling relegation come the spring? Easy three points. At least that’s what we assumed when West Brom visited the Theatre of Sleepless Nights last month. Wolves registered their second win of the campaign against Manchester City last weekend, but this time they come up against a side very much in the ascendancy, following a comfortable night in Europe and last week’s not-controversial-in-the-slightest defeat of Spurs.

The dual absences of Nani and Fletcher may well present a headache for Sir Alex ahead of the midweek Manchester derby, but they should (should) have enough in reserve here.

2-1

Sunderland v Stoke, 3pm

Sunderland, it seems, are a tough team to get a hold on.  If we asked you to describe their overall footballing style, you’d probably struggle for adjectives. Similarly, their end of season placing seems to be the most divisive amongst those of us who like to indulge in a spot of July final table musing. Just two defeats so far this season (both away) see them in that strange early winter midtable zone, lying three points off Europe and four off the drop. Depending on how results around them fall, Steve Bruce could wake up on Monday having recovered from his weekly session of referee baiting with his team as high as 5^th or as low as second bottom.

Oh and Kenwyne Jones returns to his old club. He’s handy with his feet for a big man you know.

2-1

Sunday 7^th November

Arsenal v Newcastle, 1:30pm

Newcastle used to be scared of London. They used to dread even turning up, like a schoolboy afraid of the bullies lurking in the corridor, throwing a sicky for the umpteenth time and cowering under the bed sheets with just a Blink-182 cassette for succour. Newcastle’s mother has spent a lot of time worrying. But the years have come and gone and the once-meek adolescent has put a troubling puberty behind him and guess what? He isn’t afraid anymore.

Between November 1997 and December 2001 Newcastle failed to register a single victory in the nation’s capital in twenty-nine consecutive attempts, apparently until everyone’s favourite cutlery-teasing headcase Uri Gellar got involved. Their record since hasn’t been a whole lot better. Until now. This season they’ve won there twice, and despite their Carling Cap shellacking last week at the hands of tomorrow’s opponents, the Toon have no reason to fear their trip to the Emirates, where Arsenal have slipped up at least once this term. Yes the Magpies may well lose, but they’ll stand up for themselves in the process. Mother can be proud of her boy.

2-1

West Brom v Man City, 3pm

West Brom are proving themselves to be quite the spunky little upstarts: exactly the kind of team you don’t want to be facing after a run of three demoralising defeats (is there any other kind?) on the spin. Roberto Mancini has spent what little time he’s had between recent humblings fervently denying rumours of a mutiny on the Bounty, but they need to turn the ship around quickly.

Managers of Champions League hopefuls have been removed from their duties for worse runs than this and in a game that could be quite the entertainer, Mancini needs his stars to start shining again. Will they? Look Away Now says, with reasonable confidence, no.

2-2

Liverpool v Chelsea, 4pm

What was once a meeting of half of the Sky Four has now arguably become just another one of those tricky away days for the reigning Champions. Buoyed by three wins on the spin, Roy Hodgson looks to have (if we are to mercilessly continue the nautical theme) finally steadied the ship a little, although it’s hardly plain sailing (sorry) from here on in. They still rely too much on Gerrard for inspiration, and they need Torres to start hitting the net again pronto. Someone get the lad a wig; his form disappeared with those lovely girly locks.

Chelsea will be without Malouda for this one, but with a possible return for Lampard and with Anelka looking like the kind of player we always hoped he could be, you feel the Blues’ excellent record at Anfield might just be set to continue

1-2

~ Ed & Matt