The Little Pea Man

Pull forth a chair, beloved reader,

and permit your mind be free

As I chart the rise of a budding star

They call the Little Pea.

From humble Guadalajara

just a score and two before,

came sliming from his mother's pod

the Chicharito we'd soon adore.

Through hardened spirit and spiced resolve

our future hero did flourish

with Chivas, and how his mother doted

on the pea she once did nourish.

Her son grew strong, from boy to man,

from club to country he went,

'till one day a red-nosed Scotsman

picked up the pea man's scent.

Papers filed, with dotted i's,

our pretender made his move,

from the mother land to another land

of Hacienda groove.

Now patience should a virtue be

if above you stellar stars shine.

But our pea man's not for queuing up,

for fortune ne'er waits in line.

With friendly goals and cameo roles,

young Javier displayed his charms,

and dreamed one day of sweet embrace

in Old Trafford's open arms.

The rumours and the intrigue,

the murmurs loud did grow -

who is this she-faced wonder

of so little we hitherto know?

As summer bled to autumn

and the storms of October broke,

the world would as one be enlightened

on some fateful day in Stoke.

Stepping into the greedy boot

of the ankle that sore did throb,

our hero's time was drawing close

as Sir gave Chicha the nod.

A long way from home our boy is now,

as the Staffordshire gusts laid siege,

and with a corner kick now pending

will instinct, like the rainfall, freeze?

Show courage, urged the gods above

and your movement will follow suit.

Drop off the shoulder and lose your man,

give faint-heartedness the boot.

So the ball is floated, bodies rise,

the flick-on finds destiny set,

and with swirling body and twisted nape

our champion fair breaks the net.

In a moment the course of fate is sealed,

as red team-mates peel away

in celebration not just of a single strike

but of a hero born today.

The question now, dear friends and loves,

is how far our gladiator can go?

As before long he'll sure be pursued,

by Spanish Royals with cash to blow.

But for now in Manchester life is good,

future's seed is his to sow.

The world's his oyster and he'll swallow it whole,

our sweet pea, el Chicharito.

~ Matt

Thanks to Robbie for the inspiration.